Stronger
by Lady Azura
Summary: Some inner demons never quite go away. POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING.


Summary: _Some inner demons never quite go away._

Disclaimer: Don't own _Degrassi_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: Katie-centric oneshot.

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**Stronger****  
**_**By: Lady Azura**_

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115.

That number stared up at her, mocking her as if to say, _'I hope you enjoyed that cake you had last night. And the chips you ate at Marisol's sleepover. And let's not forget the popcorn on your date with Jake. Way to go, Fattie. You've really let yourself go.'_

That was five pounds more than she'd been two weeks ago. Katie Matlin's stomach churned as she shakily stepped off the scale and wrapped a towel around herself. She swallowed hard, her eyes flickering to the toilet beside her. It had been a little over a year since she'd last purged, and yet right now, at this moment, she wanted nothing more than to drop to her knees and shove her fingers down her throat – to rid herself of unwanted weight.

But she _couldn't_.

She had to stay strong. She'd promised Marisol and Maya and her parents that she'd never do it again. She couldn't let them down. She had already screwed up enough with her Codeine addiction and throwing away her Presidency for the sake of petty revenge. Tearing her gaze away, Katie threw open the bathroom door and made her way to her room. Dropping the towel, she changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top before climbing into bed with her laptop.

She tried to distract herself, first by skimming through Facerange (Dave Turner's relationship status had been changed to "Complicated" and Marisol had uploaded a few pictures from her and Mo's most recent date, while Adam posted frequent reminders about _Romeo & Jules_ and how tickets were going fast) and then by starting her essay for English, but she just couldn't focus. Her mind kept drifting back to her weight, where a small voice in the back of her head taunted her.

It suddenly became difficult to breathe. Closing her laptop, Katie clenched her eyes shut and clutched the front of her tank top, gasping for air, but it was no use. She felt like she was suffocating; like there was an invisible hand wrapped around her neck and squeezing tightly. Shoving her laptop aside, Katie flung herself out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom once more, shutting the door and locking it before collapsing against the counter.

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the edge of the sink, her head bowed as she fought to maintain her composure and control her breathing.

What had she eaten today?

A banana for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a burger and fries for dinner. Her dinner alone was at least 700 calories. She'd been going over her 800-calories-a-day limit for months now. No wonder she'd gained so much.

Her fingers twitched, and she licked her dry lips, staring at her reflection.

There was a time when her stomach was flatter; when her collarbone protruded and she could see her ribs, and when her clothes were so loose that they would hang off her bony shoulders. A time when she was _perfect_. But being perfect, like all things, came at a price.

_"You're killing yourself." _

Marisol's words echoed in the back of her mind, and Katie shook her head furiously.

She didn't understand.

No one did.

Not Marisol, not Maya, not her parents, not _Jake_… none of them understood the guilt she felt when she ate too much; when she devoured a bag of pretzels only to read the labels on the back and realize just how many calories she'd consumed. None of them understood how much of a failure she felt like; how disgusting she felt when she looked in the mirror or weighed herself. It made her sick to her stomach.

She glanced over at the toilet once more, her grip on the sink tightening and her knees threatening to give out. Her body itched to reject what it had consumed. Already she could feel the bile rising in her throat, her stomach clenching and contracting.

"No." She whispered, shaking her head as tears blurred her vision.

'_Do it. What are you waiting for? Get it over and done with. You'll feel much better.'_

"I can't." Her voice cracked as she shook her head.

The house was empty.

She was fighting this battle alone – without Maya, without Marisol, without anyone.

'_Do it.'_ The voice urged. _'Don't you remember how good it felt to be thin?'_

"Stop…" she begged quietly, covering her ears. "Just stop it."

'_You're weak. You've always been weak.'_ The voice continued.

"Shut up." Katie hissed.

'_Pathetic.'_

"Shut up." She repeated, her voice louder.

'_Failure.'_

"SHUT UP!" Katie shouted.

Then… silence.

All she could hear was the fan above her humming. She opened her eyes and stared at her reflection. Her nose was red and her cheeks were flushed. Turning the faucet on, she splashed some cold water on her face before drying it off and making her way out of the washroom. Once in the hallway, she leaned back against the wall, staring into the darkness. After a few minutes, she regained her composure and returned to her room. She had just closed the door when her phone began to buzz.

Jake.

_**up for a late night adventure?**_

Her lips twitched slightly.

**Sure.**

After sending her response, Katie discarded her shorts and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater instead.

_**i'll be there in ten.**_

Katie's smile grew as she read the message.

**Can't wait.**

Slipping her phone into her pocket, Katie moved to stand in front of her mirror, examining her appearance. This time, she didn't give the voice a chance to speak. With a satisfied nod, she turned away and headed out the door.

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**FIN**

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**So… yeah. This popped into my head earlier today, so I decided to write it. I don't really know what else to say. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed.**

** Please ****REVIEW**** and let me know what you think!**


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